cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize