We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
