I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
