Pappa wants mamma naked
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize