it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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