trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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