I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
