I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
