Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
