my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
