we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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