I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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