well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
