I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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