I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
