My room smells like vodka and shame
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize