She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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