I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's shark week go big or go home
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
