I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
