too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
