Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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