He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
