It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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