Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need a beard to bite.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
