I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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