i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize