dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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