I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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