i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
