I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
