My cat gives me a boner
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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