Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Randomize
