nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
