Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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