no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
