Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
