Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
