What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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