life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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