How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
