pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
