I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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