And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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