i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
