Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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