Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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