i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just google imaged poop.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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