Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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