our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sext me about skeletons
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
