i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
