I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
