Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
