I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
