its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
