I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
