do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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