My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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