If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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