I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
