but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize