my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
