At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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