peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
