If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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