Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
