He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
