god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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