i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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