I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize