Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
