Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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