I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
