Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
