She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
