Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Found the puke drawer
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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