I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
