Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
