Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
