So drunk its hurt
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
