I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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