I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have post one night stand depression
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