I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
