hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
