Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
