I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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