Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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