i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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