I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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