??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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