think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
