Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
