Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
