i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
