i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
