There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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