did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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