im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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