Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
