Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
