I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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