some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just threw up on my dentist
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
