Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
50% drunk capacity currently
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
