puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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