Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
