i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I touched a dick in church today
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