i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize