did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
