Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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