I can text with my tongue
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
