remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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